Us van drivers aren't all bad eggs!

When you type ‘van driver' into google news search, all you get are negative stories!

With all the reports about van drivers seriously injuring people in accidents and being sent to prison for GBH, you'd think we were all inconsiderate, dangerous maniacs who did nothing for society.

Well, I'm fed up with how the press represents us van drivers. Sure, like all sections of society, we've got some bad eggs amongst us, but it's not fair that they're the only ones to make the news headlines.

One of my van driving mates recently ran five miles for Sport Relief, and another is involved in helping to replant spring and summer flowers in the local park!

And, in case that's not enough for you, here's something I searched long and hard for via google.

One van driver – a volunteer with Corby charity Furniture Turnaround – managed to get his vehicle safely off the road, saving the life of his 53-year-old passenger and probably many other road user's lives, when flames started coming from under the bonnet.

He stated, "By the time I got to the layby there was so much black smoke in the cab I could barely see and flames were coming from the dashboard.

"I just wanted to get the van off the main road. I couldn't stop as we could have caused a bad accident."

Quite rightly, his passenger is reported as saying that the van driver was a "real hero".

Yes! Finally, some good press. I hope to be seeing much more of it in the future. We're not all bad!

Heartless clampers

Sometimes, it seems, getting a good van insurance quote is the least of your troubles, as a van driver in North Yorkshire found out recently.

The 55-year-old Mercedes van driver wasn't feeling well, so he left the road and parked somewhere to recover. Very sensible. However, unbeknown to him it was a business premises and he was not allowed to park there.

He recounts, "While I was waiting I saw this car come hurtling up to me and pull in front.

"This man rushed towards me carrying the yellow clamp and I got out to ask him what he was doing.

"I stood in front so he couldn't do it [clamp the van]. He was trying to get me out of the way so I pushed him backwards.

"I felt unwell, exhausted and was struggling to get my breath. And when I turned towards the van door I collapsed onto the floor of the van.

The clamper had the human decency to phone for an ambulance, but he continued to clamp the vehicle after he'd made the call. Now that's what I call dedication to the job!

Irritatingly when the man's son was confronted by the clamper just after the incident and was asked to pay a £150 fine. Wanting to travel to the hospital with his dad, he had no choice but to pay up so that he could resolve the problem as fast as possible.

Needless to say the van driver and his family are angry at how he was treated when he was clearly in some trouble.

The van driver is still waiting to hear what caused the high blood pressure which lead to his collapse. I wouldn't be surprised to find that the clamper was a factor which didn't help much!

Get well soon fellow van man.

Crackdown on the clamping cowboys!

Someone's got to crack down on these mercenaries. It's not on, there's hardly a temporary parking space left in Britain where a driver can leave a van for just a few minutes while running in somewhere for pick-up or delivery.

Compared to the 70's when I first started out it's just complete madness. I've been clamped by these rogues four times in the past five years – during my first decade on the job it didn't happen once.

But what's the point in making these comparisons if I don't do anything about it. That's why I'm calling on all van drivers to take action – complain to your local council, your MP, whoever you need to, and stop these callous clamping cowboys!

If you don't believe that things are getting really bad, then listen to this. Just last week a van driver in London received a £1,100 fine for the three minutes he was parked in a space in a car park – it cost him nearly £7 a second!

So whether you drive a Transit van, a Citroen van or a Renault van, do what you can to stop these rogues. As if the ballooning price of van insurance wasn't enough...

Opportunist artists and grimy vans

I've often laughed at some of the things I've seen written in the grime of dirty vans – "I wish my wife was a dirty as this" being one of my favourites.

However, it wasn't until recently that I'd ever found something written on my own vehicle.

Usually I clean my van once every week or so, making it one of the shiniest in my borough, but for a few weeks I didn't get round to it because I twisted by ankle badly on a job and was told by my GP to do a lot of sitting about until it got better.

Once I could get back to work, I did, but neglected to clean my van for a few more days.

It was after I came back to my vehicle with a sandwich for lunch that I noticed how filthy my van was and that someone had taken the liberty to tell me as such.

My van, which had been sat next to a busy road for two weeks and a dusty building site for four hours now had "Also available in white" written into its rear.

I'll admit that I was quite pleased. It almost felt like an initiation – as if before that moment I had not really been a proper van driver.

My excitement increased further however when I realised my van's side had also been doodled on. On the sliding door was a three panel cartoon of me taking my van to a car wash. I was thrilled.

I've washed the dirt off now, but I took photos of the van art on my mobile beforehand.

Maybe every now and then I'll let my van get dirty to see if it gets adorned with any other great one-liners and drawings…

Rock van

Here's some news which could be extremely exciting for van drivers who are fans of Melvins or Nirvana.

A former tour van used by Melvins, with a piece of artwork by Kurt Cobain on its side has been put up for sale on eBay under the item name "World Famous MELVAN, MELVINS Tour Van with Artwork by Kurt Cobain (NIRVANA)".

It's a 1972 Dodge Sportsman Royal Van, and the Kiss mural drawn in marker pen on the paintwork is reportedly the work of Nirvana's famous front-man.

The van is being sold by Ben Berg, who has owned the van since 1992 when he was given it as a 16th birthday present, and the vehicle's reserve price is $150,000 (£95,414).

The current owner even believes that Cobain carved his name somewhere in the van, and has found carvings from other music greats inside too.

With such history attached to it, we wonder whether the individual who ends up buying it will get van insurance for the vehicle or keep it safe off the road in some sort of home museum.

Photo © Ryan Fanshaw Photography via Flickr, under Creative Commons Licence

Saved by God's lorry

As much as I might hate giving away my hard earned wages every month, there are some things I'm glad my taxes pay for – roads, for example, and the insurance of the welfare state.

I don't know how many of your saw the recent series on the world's most dangerous roads, but, compared to some of the places featured in the programme, our roads are near perfect.

The pitfalls of having unsafe roads were well illustrated this week by news reports of Chinese van driver whose Toyota van plunged down a sheer and muddy embankment only to be serendipitously caught by lorry which was passing on the road below.

"I could feel myself falling and it all seemed to be happening in slow motion like a movie. I thought to myself, ‘That's it, you're going to die'", said the 32-year-old van driver

"Then all of a sudden there was a bump and I stopped in mid air as if I'd been caught by a giant hand," he added.

But the giant hand wasn't the hand of God – it was just an HGV.

I'm just glad that I don't have to drive my van on China's roads. I'm pretty sure the experience would be one to compare with some of scariest I've so far endured.

Knickers in a twist!

I know that compared to how I had it, my son has a pretty easy ride. Yeah, sure, some things might be more difficult these days – getting affordable van insurance, affording a home, worrying about venereal diseases – but our kids' generation is somehow protected. They've never quite had to go it alone, if you know what I mean.

For example, just this week I was finally convinced to put my son on my Citroen Berlingo van insurance. It was a treat for his 19th birthday – he's been hassling me since he was 17 and says that having the van will do wonders for his burgeoning DJing business.

Anyways, so I give him the van on Friday afternoon with only two instructions – drive carefully and keep it tidy!

When I have the Berlingo returned to me on Sunday afternoon I was not best pleased to discover that the little terror has left chip wrappers, soft drink cans, cigarette butts and some rather insalubrious looking stains all over the upholstery. To top things off, there's a rather skimpy looking pair of women's knickers draped over the headrest.

When I confront him about it, he's completely non-plussed. "Yeah, but dad, you drive your van on a Monday, I was gonna clean it up this arvo," he says.

"Respect it all times, and never let your mess get out of hand," I say, sternly.

"Don't be such a narc," he replies, "Oh, I'm just got take the van for another half an hour – Lucy wants her knickers back, they're Coco De Mer."

I mean, c'mon, in my day, if I'd done that to my old man's bakery van he would have had my guts for garters. In fact, he'd probably have removed me from his van insurance, forbade me to ever drive the Berlingo again and given me a good wallop round the ear.

When I tell my youngster this his reply is simply, "Yeah, but dad, compared to nowadays, back when you was my age, grown ups was hardly civilised, was they? If you did that to me, it would not only be unfair, but the wallop round my ear would be in breach of my rights."

The cheek of it! Maybe he should abandon the DJing and start training as a lawyer…